Tuesday, January 15, 2013

being your mommy

Davis & Carson, 
I've thought a lot lately about what it means to be your mommy.  Your mama.  Your mom as you now say since you are getting older.  Sometimes it feels like a whirlwind because I forget to pause and soak you both in.  Life is so good with you two. 
Mommy is not always good though.  I raise my voice too much...although it seems less now that you are getting older and we can communicate better.  I get irritated with you because I'm tired.  It's usually not your fault.  My patience runs thinner at night.  
I love spending time looking at your faces and eating your cheeks.  
I love that you trust me as your mother.  
I love being able to carry you and feel your sweet breath in my neck.  You are both almost too big for that, but it still happens every so often.  
I can still remember what it feels like to have you so little in my lap.  
You both have spent so much time there.  Especially when you are tired or sad.  Usually not when you are sick though.  I'm not the best because I'm terrified that you are going to puke on me.  That's when your awesome daddy steps in.  He's an awesome Doc.  
Helping you & guiding you is such a gift.  Being able to be your number one cheerleader & encourager.  
Loved having you by my side for my first half marathon.  You were so proud...although you lil' stinkers said I didn't win! 
Love celebrating your birthdays and making you feel so special by adding in your details.  The things that matter to you.  
God gave me an awesome chance to nurture and love you as your mother.  
I want you to eat your veggies and be active. 
I want you to adore your family and want to spend time together. 
I want you to value your education, but also know that it's good to learn outside of the school walls.  
I want to share magic recipes with you except I'm not so good in the kitchen. (but encourage you to be!) 
I want you to keep those eyes open to see beauty all around you. 
I want you to trust God and know that he loves you so much more than I do. 
I want you to be kind, fun, independent, loving, smart and  motivated.  
But, mostly I want you to be you. 
Watching you grow up right before my eyes is exciting and scary at the same time.  
Each day gets better and better.  
"Sometimes when you pick up your child you can feel the map of your own bones beneath your hands, or smell the scent of your skin in the nape of his neck.  This is the most extraordinary thing about motherhood- finding a piece of yourself separate and apart that all the same you could not live without."  
~ jody picoult
Feeling blessed and forgiving myself for not being the perfect mama....but your mama.  And, that's perfect for me.  
I love you both more than the sky and back.  And then a whole lot more. 


Sarah said...

This just about makes me cry! All of this is so true, and just how I feel about my little ones too. It is such a blessing and a privilege to be a mom. Thankful for sweet mamas like you to share this journey with!

Garretts said...

Okay, so I'm a little behind on blog reading, and now my keyboard is swimming in tears. What precious truths you captured in your sweet letter. Motherhood is certainly not for the weak, and I'm ever so blessed God saw fit to gift me two treasures. See you soon...summer will be here soon!